Dumb Sheep

 

 

Metaphorical living is easily accomplished.

In theory.

For 15 years I have lived at the foothills of the Rockies. Better said, in Colorado Springs, we have some rocks, and then we have a 7700′ vertical called Pikes Peak. I’ve been living in the shadow of the rocks.

And these guys.

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If you’ve ever seen a bighorn up close, one of the more disconcerting things about them is their opaque black eyes. There really isn’t much going on there. I mean sure, they’re really awesome looking. They’re powerful, all-terrain brutes and I’ve seen them ramming skulls in Waterton Canyon south of Denver on more than one occasion.

But then you see the eyes. They’re actually dumb sheep.

Here’s why that’s hard for me: I’m incredibly prideful. Like… nauseatingly. It hurts to write that because it’s me in the third person. “That guy”… is prideful, intelligent, smug, Ben.

My ability to trust anyone but myself is well-known – painfully – by those closest to me. Letting go and trusting… that is not my mentality.

Figuring it out. Building a system. A better mousetrap. Exercises in re-branding (I did TWO today no less). Complicating things unnecessarily. Trusting my brain at the expense of a calcified heart. Since I was a teenager, that’s been my M.O. Around five months ago my wife made a statement that put me first into a tailspin and second into a counselor’s office. That statement was “a commitment to isolation.”

Read that again: “Commitment to isolation.”

Sheep have opaque eyes. I had/have layers of emotional plaque built up disconnecting my spirit from experiencing others, and shutting down the wellspring of my heart. All in the name of defending that special, prideful intelligence that would ultimately prevail.

And then Linda said to just “shut up and be a dumb sheep.”

This was in a counseling session.

AN EXPENSIVE COUNSELING SESSION.

When you think you’re a regal orca and you’re told to shut up and be a dumb sheep, that’s offensive.

Truth is never light and fluffy. Truth is rarely elegant. Truth is sturdy. Truth doesn’t stumble. Truth scales mountains. Truth is tough as hell.

Truth is a dumb sheep. I think I might be able to learn something from them.

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